Oldie but a Goodie: “50+ Ways” Not to Become a State Champion

50 Ways

I wrote this in the mid to late 90s, it was copied and put on several other wrestling websites around the country.  I used to have a running total that coaches added to the piece with real-life examples and it was well over 100 ways.  I lost that list when the old message board was hacked a bit over a year ago and I wish I had that complete list…

You can add to it here on the new message board, here is the link: https://www.dakotagrappler.com/forum/topic/50-plus-ways-not-to-become-a-state-champion/

 

I used to have this list on the old message board, since that message board was lost I also lost the compiled list we had made over the past 20 years… it was way over 100…

I searched online and found someone had copied the list at “87” and posted it on their website…  Feel free to add to the list… I know there are more out there.

50 plus Ways Not to Become a State Champion

1. Get a girlfriend during the wrestling season and break up every other weekend.
2. Skip a wrestling tournament to go to a school dance.
3. Think you can not beat anyone ranked higher than you in the rankings.
4. You think the Fat-man’s role will be your way to win every match.
5. You sleep during wrestling tournaments, instead of routing on your teammates.
6. You sleep during wrestling tournaments, instead of watching other matches.
7. You hold hands with your girlfriend between matches.
8. Your diet consists of more junk food than healthy food.
9. During practice, you are always spending time in the restroom.
10. During practice, you are always taping or doctoring minor injuries.
11. Saying I can’t.
12. Wrestling the easiest/least experienced wrestlers in the room as often as possible.
13. Whinnying that practice is too hard.
14. Being mentally weak.
15. Joining a gaming club, instead of an off-season sport at school.
16. Never going to bed before midnight.
17. Spending more time drooling over other teams’ cheerleaders and stats than preparing yourself for your match.
18. Your method of an extra workout is running your mouth.
19. Your only move is the cowcatcher.
20. Do not come to any Christmas practices.
21. Go on family vacations during the wrestling season.
22. Drink illegal beverages during the season.
23. Put your party pictures on Myspace or Facebook.
24. Do dangerous activities during the season.  Snowboard (for the first time), Double black Diamond skiing, snowmobiling without a helmet, being pulled behind a 4-wheeler on a car hood.
25. Not showering after practice, so that you catch every mat disease possible.
26. The closest you get to the weight room is passing by on the way to class.
27. Talk about how you used to be able to beat the crap out of a guy.
28. Get ridden out in important matches.
29. Choose both up instead of taking a free point.
30. Work on the parts of your wrestling that you already excel at.
31. Screw around when drilling new stuff.
32. “I lost that match because the ref screwed me over again”
33. You decide not to study for any of your classes.
34. Have mommy call in to get you out of school every time you aren’t feeling to well.
35. Your best role model is a Pokemon Character.
36. Mountain Dew is your Gatorade.
37. Never try to shoot.
38. Smoke.
39. Never listen to your coaches.
40. Getting into a car accident between when school gets out and practice starting.
41. Skip practice because you have a headache…  Skip practice at all!
42. Make excuses.
43. Gaining weight during practice.
44. Punching yourself in the face during practice.
45. Gaining 6 pounds when you ate just two fish sticks.
46. Cutting your head open head-butting the wall during sprints.
47. Skipping a week’s worth of practice to let your new tattoo heal.
48. Caring more about how your tattoo looks while you are wrestling instead of wrestling
49. Oversleep and miss weigh-ins.
50. Your sister has to leave practice to go home and wake you up for practice.
51. Your sister makes it to practice and you don’t.
52. Stand up with your head by your knee.
53. You gain 20 pounds over Christmas break.
54. Punching the wall and breaking your hand.
55. You gain 20 pounds before Monday practice after a Saturday weigh-in. “Stockton”
56. Drink energy drinks before a tournament and claim it will give you that extra boost you need and then make excuses when you lose about being to tired. “untouchable”
57. using the excuse, “How could I be over all I drank was diet pop, it has no calories.”
58. Believe what others tell you about opponents.  ie.  That guy is a fish, stud, leg rider, etc…. “armbar”
    (scout them for yourself)
59. Ducking better wrestlers by going up or down a weight.  “armbar”
60. You decide that sleeping that extra half hour is more important than getting up and running to get in better shape.  “nowhiners”
61. Don’t go to the bathroom before a match so you’re tight-cheekin’ it the whole time you’re wrestling.  “Greenwood from experience”
62. Never learn how a bracket actually works so you have no idea what round you’re in or if you have a match. “Greenwood”
63. 12 Oz. curls to work on wrist/forearm strength. “Greenwood”
64. You think a push-up is an ice cream treat that the Schwan’s guy brings. “Greenwood”
65. Eat a bar of Exlax to make weight and you have an accident during your match.
66. Thinking ice cubes have no weight. “Right to Left”
67. Ride legs to stall “WrestlingFan89”
68. Going to a street dance the night before a big tournament cause you were bored that night. “cubbiegranby96”
69. Make big plans to start a regular, rigorous workout routine .  .  .  tomorrow.  “BillW”
70. Going into the sauna and after getting out immediately drinking any fluid possible(because you’re really dehydrated)
    Yeah that’d be a great way to not be a state champ since it’s against the rules to use saunas, hot tubs, plastics, diet pills, etc… to lose weight. “hellman”
71. Chugging your 32oz Gatorade so you have a bottle to spit in. “t-tom”
72. Your best and only takedown is the butcher. “jschlag”
73. When your best move is bridging and getting off your back. “qwerty jones”
74. When you know exactly how many lights there are in the gym. “magic cheeseburger”
75. Pairing up with a wrestling partner (in the practice room) that you know you can demolish. “Well Armed”
76. Whe you lose you throw the blame on someone else.
77. Make “promises” with your mouth and never sincerely mean to keep them.
78. Can not take constructive criticism from the coach.  Instead, he pouts and thinks he is getting picked on.
79. Think of yourself first and the team last.
80. When you stink so bad no one wants to wrestle you. “jschlag”
81. If you fake an injury during a match to get a breather or prevent getting pinned. “Wrestlin_Man”
82. If you miss weight for a tournament then, brag about how well you did in the JV division. “Wrestlin_Man”
83. If you’re anxious to get done with practice so you can go watch the basketball game. “Wrestlin_Man”
84. Wrestle in the same weight class as Chuck Norris. “Coach_Berglund”
85. Picking your nose in a match to get blood time. “inocentbystander”
86. Not going that extra 10% in practice, or on the mat. “Ground and Pound”
87. Refusing to practice moves from the left-handed position, or right-handed if you’re a lefty. “armbar”